haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ttyl tear gas
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
