your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
