My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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