I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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