She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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