Where did you get a picture of my penis
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
