...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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