Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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