So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My ATM looks so different sober.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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