BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I know her cup size but not her name....
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