I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
