i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
