So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize