Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Too much gin, very little bucket
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
