She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
