I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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