Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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