Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
