We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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