my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
