it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
