I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
