i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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