would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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