In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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