I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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