I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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