dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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