I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
