Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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