Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
