After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
