Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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