I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
