now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
