Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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