After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
