sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
