you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
