just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
