i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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