ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize