The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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