all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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