So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
