And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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