if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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