You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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