How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize