probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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