she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
