Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize