Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
