He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
