ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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