If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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