it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
