dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The air was thick with penises
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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