You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
