Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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