i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
vagina is talking i cant
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
