i don't like sucking hair
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
a search helicopter?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
