This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Terrible idea I love it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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