he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
