just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
