I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
