Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
