I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
