yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
