Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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