Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
