do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
