Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
