i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
