gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize