And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
