just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
